GM's Day

This is something I wrote in 2009 for GMs Day. As GMs Day rolls around (on March 4th of each year), remember to thank the people who make your fun possible; GMs, designers (both professional and homebrew), and the players who aren't dicks.


A long, long time ago...
I can still remember
How that dungeon used to make me smile.
And I knew if I had my chance
That I could out-do Jack Vance
In stories, heroes, and villains vile

But March 4th made me shiver
With every paper I'd deliver.
Bad news on the doorstep;
I couldn't take one more step.

I can't remember if I cried
When I read about his widowed bride,
But something touched me deep inside
The day that Gary died.

So bye-bye, Gary, I
Never got to meet you,
But you are why
I spend my time with my friends and a die
Sayin', "This'll be the thing that I'll try
"This'll be thing that that I try."

Did you write the book of lore,
That we'll read forever more
When we want to game just so?
Do you believe in the random roll,
Can twenties save your mortal soul,
And can you teach me once again, real slow?

Well, I know that you're in league with him
`cause I heard you whisper on the wind
You both spat on your hands
Like you were evil's biggest fans!

I was a lowly teenage Fightin' Man
With a sharpened sword and a weathered tan
But light went out of the land
The day that Gary died.

I started prayin'
Bye-bye, Gary, I
Never got to meet you,
But you are why
I spend my time with my friends and a die
Sayin', "This'll be the thing that I'll try
"This'll be thing that that I try."

Now for one year we've been on our own
And dust lies on your castin' bones
But that's not how it used to be.
When the game began you were quite keen
To play out our shared dream
And to voice a wizard or a thief

Oh, and while the king was looking down,
The thief he stole the golden crown.
The courtroom was a mess
But we won that treasure chest!
And while the wizard read a book of spells
The devils poured forth from the hells
And our swords, they rang like bells
In the game of Gary's eye!

We were singing,
Bye-bye, Gary, I
Never got to meet you,
But you are why
I spend my time with my friends and a die
Sayin', "This'll be the thing that I'll try
"This'll be thing that that I try."

Helter skelter in a summer swelter.
We sought fame in the giant's shelter,
Eight levels high and climbing fast!
Then we landed in that pass
The fighters dying in the grass
With the cleric, on the sidelines; he can't cast.

Now the Temple's air was sweet perfume
While the Elementals smoked and fumed
We left it up to chance
When we joined the steel-shod dance!
`cause the players tried to take the Shield;
The monsters they refused to yield.
Do you recall who won the field
And the spoils for which we vied?

We started singing,
Bye-bye, Gary, I
Never got to meet you,
But you are why
I spend my time with my friends and a die
Sayin', "This'll be the thing that I'll try
"This'll be thing that that I try."

Oh, and there we were all in one place,
A dungeon, fresh from space
In the Peaks when we did play again
So come on: Jack be nimble, Jack be quick!
The robots threw their lasers thick
But friendly fire is no-one's friend!

Oh, and as I entered Acerak's Tomb
My hands were wet from certain doom
No lich re-born in hell
Could cast a saving spell
And as the toll climbed high into the night
To the DM's cruel delight
I saw Gary laughing, his eyes alight
The day the party died

I've been singing,
Bye-bye, Gary, I
Never got to meet you,
But you are why
I spend my time with my friends and a die
Sayin', "This'll be the thing that I'll try
"This'll be thing that that I try."

I met a girl who sang the blues
And I asked her for some happy news,
But she just smiled and turned away.
I went down to the sacred store
Where I'd played the games years before,
But the man there said the games had gone away.

And on the boards: the newbies screamed,
The grognards cried, and the designers dreamed.
But not a word was spoken;
The church bells all were broken.
And the one game I admire most
Was sold to wizards of the coast
The game is gone, its just a ghost
But it will never die!

Not while we're singing
Bye-bye, Gary, I
Never got to meet you,
But you are why
I spend my time with my friends and a die
Sayin', "This'll be the thing that I'll try
"This'll be thing that that I try."

They were singing,
Bye-bye, Gary, I
Never got to meet you,
But you are why
I spend my time with my friends and a die
Sayin', "This'll be the thing that I'll try!"