Complete Bard Kit Evaluations

 I think I can say pretty confidently that the Complete Bard is one of the best Complete Handbooks of the series; I've heard few bad things about it, and, usually, their reasoning is incomprehensible to me, so they're obviously entirely wrong. Unlike the previous books, the kits in the Complete Bard are close to being new classes. They take four abilities of bards... Influence Reactions, Rally Allies, Countersong, and Legend Lore... and make them optional, mixing in other abilities that fit a particular type of performer. They also take the 4 NWPs bards begin with... Singing, Musical Instrument, Reading, and Local History... and swap them around, too. It results in one of the most dynamic complete handbooks.

I should note, all of the kits (except True Bard) get a modification to their thieving abilities, and these can vary pretty widely; Gallants get a net -25, all from Pick Pockets, while the best net +15%. Of the 17 kits in the book, five of them are net negative thieving skill points.

True Bard: The True Bard is just the bard class, as written up in the PH, and sort of a template for how the rest of them will come out. Bards are jacks of all trades, with tons of abilities and very little synergy... they're thieves but have the least-taken thief abilities, fighters but they have bad HD, and wizards who can't take advantage of their fightery armor while casting spells. Their Rally Allies ability remains simply horrible (+1 to hit OR +1 to saves OR +2 to morale, IF the bard can do nothing for three rounds, and then it only lasts 1 round per bard level), but their Legend Lore ability got a bit of an interesting change... as an optional rule, if the bard succeeded, the DM should roll 3d6 once per level of the bard, and give the bard information base on the table; an 18 means you should just let them read the DMG entry, a 3 will tell them how many charges are left, and all sorts of other things. It's a neat addition, which takes bards from being the identify machine and into someone who knows random bits of stuff about stuff.

Blade: Oooh, sexy and scary! Dark clothes and weapons and they definitely appealed to a younger me a lot more. The first thing to note is the NWPs... Armorer, Bowyer-Fletcher, Gambling, and Weaponsmith... that's 7 slots worth of bonus proficiencies, not the 4 the bard gets. Their Weapons Display is actually better than Rally Allies... it hurts the enemy's morale, and gives allies a +1 to hit, while taking only a round to do (and lasting the same round/level). Two effects, one round, as opposed to a bard getting one of three effects for three rounds of work. They also get some combat benefits (better TWF and automatically ambidextrous), and spins, another kind of weapons display. They give up the 10th level ability to read any magic item. It's a potent ability, but... it's a 10th level ability. The restriction isn't going to come up much.

Charlatan: One thing I missed when younger... Charlatans can wear any armor. They don't like to, but they can. And, sweet monkey, are they powerful. They can charm person, without magic, 1 person per level at a time. Not "A 3rd level charlatan can have 3 people charmed"... as written, they can charm 3 people, then go on and charm another 3 people, and another 3 people. Indefinitely. They can pretend to have any NWP, and have a chance to actually succeed at it... roll Int-10, and if you do, roll a NWP check and, if you succeed at THAT, you successfully used the NWP. They can detect lies, they can detect alignments, they can pick pocket people with words. There's no specific hindrances to this kit, save that people are mad when you swindle them. It is an amazingly powerful kit if people read it.

Gallant: Gallants are if bards were knights in shining armor... literally. They can wear any armor, but only want the coolest stuff... they will always choose pretty over better protection. It's not backed up by mechanics, though, just "This is what Gallants do." Their special abilities are pretty potent, including a +1 HP per level, a floating +2 that can be applied once each round, and, improving reactions with, and the ability to charm, someone of the opposite sex (or appropriate sex, I would argue, given that we're not under TSRs Hayes Code equivalent... Zorro, after all, is sometimes a Gay Blade). Their hindrance is that they cannot gain the soldiers of a True Bard, instead getting a 1st level fighter as a squire starting at 5th level, and their Code, which, among other romantic ideals, requires that they spend half their money.

Gypsy-Bard: Drinking deep the stereotypes of "gypsies", the gypsy-bard is a free-spirit, nature-loving, dancer. They can cast certain animal-related spells as spell-like powers, can free cast any enchantment/charm they know in a long ritual (1d10 turns of dancing and music), and they can tell fortunes with any magical item designed for divination, even if they normally couldn't use the item; they can even use the Deck of Many things this way, and do it safely (but they can't use it normally any safer than others can). If the DM allows, they have a psionic wild talent, all in exchange for a -25 to climb if it isn't a tree. They have a small restriction on weapon choices, and armor, too. All in all, I think they're kind of scattered... there's the fortune-telling and the dancing which fits with the stereotype they're going for, but there's also the animal magics and the "oh, yeah, they might have any weird psionic power the dice give them." It's not a very cohesive idea, and is a bit real-world racist.

Herald: Heralds are supposed to be either wandering bearers of news or James Bond. The intro text is literally "Hello, my name is Bard, James Bard, and I'm a Herald working for His Majesty, the king." They identify rumors, learn who's-who in a given town or district, sway crowds (similar to a True Bard's Influence ability), and can, with luck, speak to anyone, regardless of language. This is a really social kit, and doesn't carry much advantage in a dungeon, but would be an invaluable member of a thieves guild or other espionage game.

I think my biggest complaint is with the sway crowds ability, and this applies to the True Bard, and a few others, as well... if someone fails at their save, they go with the bard's opinion. If someone makes their save, they go opposite the bard's opinion. There's no chance that people listening to the bard just won't have their opinion swayed, which seems odd to me.

Jester: Oh, the Jester. I think I could kill several grognards at a time by suggesting I was going to play a kender jester, as they are deeply unserious characters with some seriously powerful abilities. They do have some weapon and armor restrictions, but relatively minor. Fool's luck gives them a +1 to AC and almost everything else (except attack and damage). They can communicate with anyone through body language, if the person is wise enough to figure out the jester's actions, or they can use it to try to make people hit them. They can use jokes to influence reactions or dispel fear. And they get a big bonus to save v. enchantment/charm and a chance to confuse (as the spell) anyone who tries to read their mind. Fools luck makes them a potent jack of all trades, but as the book observes, it's going to take a special player, in the right campaign, to not make them an annoyance.

Jongleurs: Jumping and tumbling around as entertainment; they're kind of neat, and have some similarities to the Complete Thief Acrobat kit, in that one of their big benefits is enhanced proficiencies... not only do they get Jumping, Tumbling, Juggling, and Tightrope Walking for free, they're better at it than other people. They also dodge certain attacks and calamities, and entertain crowds, with only minimal downside (weapon and armor restrictions, and no 10th level reading ability). They're a nice one... a very physical character, with nice benefits that aren't overpowering.

Loremaster: If Bards were wizards, really. They have a bard's legend lore, but can attempt to use ANY magical item from the jump, and have at least a 70% chance of doing do (minimum Wisdom 14, and it is a Wisdom check). They cast spells from 1st level, as a 2nd level caster, can influence people and, unlike True Bards, Jesters, etc., only turn people against them on a 20 on the save. They can also try to read ancient languages twice, but they have restrictions on weapons and armor.

I don't hate it; I wouldn't be opposed to entirely replacing wizards with this kit. They have a slower ramp-up in power; while they cast at 1 level higher, they get fewer slots, and the numbers bear out that normal wizards would surpass them in spells. Because of their mastery of magic and legend lore, they feel more like characters who know things, rather than the rather hyper-focused wizards who do nothing but cast spells.

Meistersinger: If Bards were Druids... or maybe Disney Princesses. They have an odd weapon proficiency restriction; they have to start with a melee weapon and a ranged weapon, but then they must select proficiencies in the order hurled (4th) melee (8th), ranged (12th), and so on. It's not overly restrictive. Their music is oriented towards animals... they pick up animal companions and magical abilities from them (but those animal companions dying might kill the bard), they can influence the reaction of animals, protect others with their song, and even straight-up charm animals. They don't get standard followers, just animal companions. They're a nice, focused, class, but the risk of dying if their animal companions do throws me right out of interest in the kit. Animals are so very squishy in D&D, it feels like few will make it to 10th level, when they can shapechange into their Large animal companion.

Riddlemaster: While I kind of like the Loremaster, the Riddlemaster rubs me wrong; they're supposedly super-intelligent and oriented towards solving puzzles, so they get extra time and attempts to work through things, bonuses to learn spells, and can use written magical items at 8th, instead of 10th. They have some minor restrictions on weapons, but their "Common Sense" ability is kind of what spoils it for me. Like the Jester's Fool's Luck, it adds +1 to AC and +1 to a lot of rolls... including attack and damage. Why are these guys, of all people, the better fighters? Blades don't get any attack or damage bonuses, why do Riddlemasters? It's out of place, and the whole ability feels off.

Skald: Skalds are more fighty, less casty, bards. Their War Chant is better than a bard's, kind of... while they can choose more and different effects, they still require the 3 round pre-combat chanting. The effects end instantly if the skald is hit. They get a +1 to hit and damage under pretty common circumstances (must be chanting, must use one of their kit's preferred weapons), and can influence reactions and do legend lore like a regular bard (though they only turn people against them on a 20, not on any successful save). But they ALSO might not be able to cast spells, if the DM doesn't want them to. Their cultures are presented as illiterate and non-spellcasting, and so Skalds can't learn Reading/Writing at first, don't get the Read Languages ability at first, can't use written magic items at all, and don't start casting spells until the level after they encounter it. It is a very stiff penalty, and, to be honest, I'd rather just be a regular bard and wear a horned helmet... War Chant isn't THAT much better, and +1 to Hit and Damage is nice, but hardly game-changing.

Thespian: I never liked the Thespian, much. They're able to use any armor (with a 1 AC penalty if it's heavier than a bard's usual chain mail), get a -2 non-proficiency penalty with all weapons (except the 3 that they are allowed to be proficient with), and can influence reactions. But they're also implied to be able to convince anyone of anything they act out... they can pretend to be dead from a light blow, they can pretend to be a powerful wizard, even force people to make morale checks by pretending to cast spells. I don't like it; it's a bit too much bullshit, too dependent on the DM willing to let you do whatever zany thing you come up with. Their "Observe Motions" ability gives them a +2 to AC and a +1 to hit if they win initiative, which is a nice restriction on the bonuses for a non-combat variant.

Demi-Bards. Bards who are neither human nor half-elven. Gnome and elven demi-bards are pretty standard, though gnomes have to abide by illusionist spell restrictions for some reason. But dwarves and halflings? Instead of actually casting spells, they can become partially immune to them. See, they learn a spell, right? And then, instead of being able to cast the spell, they get, effectively, magic resistance against that spell. Learn Magic Missile? You now have a % chance to ignore any and all magic missiles. Fireball? % chance it won't affect you. But you have to learn the spell. How does this work if a halfling encounters a Wall of Fog? Can he see through the fog?

Dwarven Chanter: So, Dwarven chanters can not only resist spells they know, they can also try to dispel them. A dwarven chanter can attempt to chant at a spell in place, that they know, to dispel it, which is kind of neat. Their War Chant is a better combat music than we've seen so far, because it doesn't require a 3 round prep time, just 1d10 rounds to get started. It improves dwarven morale and initiative, and degrades opponents... not hit or damage bonuses, but definitely worthwhile, especially on the battlefield. Their timing chants (which increase productivity during mining and other dwarven activities) and trance chants (which let them chant for a long time, up to and including their own deaths) are not that inspiring... explanation for NPCs, more than anything else. They can wear any armor except plate, but can't use shields, and are supposed to only take bludgeoning weapons. Apparently, the author never heard of smacking your shield as part of a chant.

Elven Minstrels: I'm not 100% sure this kit is a benefit. Bonus to save v. musical attacks, counter song, influence reactions, and a completely different method of spellcasting that requires them to have a bag made of deer leather, as well as be able to sing and play an instrument. This is neat, but I don't get how it's supposed to be a benefit to the Minstrel, because it seems like it's adding additional components to an spell with Somatic or Material components, and that's it. If it were paired to something like specialist benefits or SOMETHING, it might be interesting, but it's not, and so it's just "So, you cast your spells from a bag?" And they top it off with weapon and armor restrictions.

Gnome Professor: I want to like them, but they do some weird things. First all, their weapon proficiency options are weird, only allowing complex things like crossbows, arquebuses, mancatchers, whips. They're limited in armor, but they can, once a month, wear anything for 1d10 days. Do you have spare suits of armor lying around? But their abilities are kind of cool. Standard legend lore, but they also have floating bonuses (+1 per level, limited to +1 per action) to hand out if everyone is following the plan... but that means you have to develop a plan. They can find/remove traps, and figure out strange devices. They can design stranger things... but they also have a 1% chance of killing someone every time they do. Not as vulnerable as the Meistersinger, with their small furry bags of vulnerability hanging around, waiting to kill them, but still something concerning, especially since you can't, BTB, do anything to defend against it. Your rotary potato peeler might kill someone.... maybe even you.

Halfling Whistler: A more druidy, less Disney-princessy, bard. Halfling whistlers can Influence reactions like bards, and cast a small number of druidy spells through whistling, as well as communicate with some animals through making weird noises. But they also whistle to defend themselves against spells... which is odd, since other halfling and dwarven demi-bards don't have to do anything to defend themselves against a spell sent against them. Overall a neat idea, but I don't know what they were going for with the counter-whistling.

Overall, I still like this book. I think it approached kits in a unique way that was better suited to the more complex classes... there's not a lot you can take away from a fighter and still have it be good at its job (qv the Savage, who gives up their armor), but pulling chunks out of the bard and putting new things in their place is a good one. I still like the gnome professor, and got a new respect for the Loremaster. Blades and Gallants are interesting variants on the fightery-bard, and while Skald tries, I think it ultimately takes away too much for too little gain. Charlatans were simply not thought through, Riddlemasters are somehow more annoying than Jesters, and elven spell-singing looks to be a new and fascinating way to need more to do less.

Krond Heights & Goblin Deeps part 10: The Lady of Webs and the Goblin Kingdom

 The Lady of Webs and the Great Queen’s Region 

North and east of the Goblin Kingdom, and east of the headwaters of the Omdal River, lie the lands claimed by the Lady of Webs and her familiar, the Great Queen. An ancient hag and her gargantuan spider familiar, the two have ruled over the Broad River Valley for centuries. On the surface, they continue a war with the wyrm Spiderslayer, but beneath the Krond Heights, they lead a nation of spiders and kobolds through the darkness. Their goals are somewhat inscrutable, and may have changed over the centuries. 

In the Spider’s Lands, passage is nearly impossible, unless you are a spider or as slight as a kobold. Webs choke many passages, and silk is used as a building material. Influence from the Lady of Webs means that kobold sorcerers and witch doctors are exalted, and that spiders are the most common familiars and enthralled animals; the kobolds even train some of the smaller spiders as humans might train a dog, and ride larger spiders as one might ride a horse. However, the chiefs of their clans are often subservient to the greater spiders; massive and gargantuan spiders who are, themselves, subservient to the Lady of Webs and the Great Queen. 

It is difficult to describe life with omnipresent spiders. Whereas the orcs and Dejy of the Broad River Valley worship and propitiate the spiders, the kobolds of the Deeps simply embrace them. They speak with them. Spiders crawl across kobold’s bodies and they do not notice, unless the spider bites them to request attention. The kobolds themselves are never prey of the spiders among them, and conflict between tribes is resolved between the spiders. Few enter the domain of the Lady of Webs and her consort, but those kobolds who leave are equally disturbing. Goblins have reported searching kobold emissaries or escorts for weapons and finding that their clothes contained egg masses, or that they would poke through blankets and several spiders would spill out and scurry to their kobold, climbing up their bodies without the kobold even blinking. Those goblins who have entered the domain of the Lady of Webs report kobolds riding on the back of spiders, tracking their movement with long spears and bows. When the two realms have clashed, goblin dead left on the field are given to the spiders, then dessicated or filled with a writhing mass of spiderlings. Goblins, superstitious to a fault, loathe the Spider Lands, but the Goblin King knows of deposits of silver and iron in the north, and alternately treats and battles with the Lady of Webs. 
 
*** 
Sidebar: Spider Legs and Bodies 
Gigantic and larger spiders have two different DR numbers, depending on whether one strikes their legs or their body. Their legs are more difficult to damage, and are immune to damage from crushing or piercing weapons. Why would anyone ever strike their legs, then? The answer is reach. If your reach does not exceed the spider’s own (two feet for Gigantic and Massive, three for Gargantuan), then you may only attack the legs. Furthermore, ranged attacks from the flanks allow the body a cover save of 16; if the save succeeds, the missile has struck the legs, instead of the body. Unsurprisingly, spider-hunting is often done with spears or other pole-arms. 
*** 

 The Kingdom Under the Mountain 

 
Built in the ruins of the dwarven kingdom of K’Ran’da, the Goblin Kingdom spans the upper reaches of the Netherdeep beneath the Krond Heights. Its tunnels allow quick passage from the Durimdar river in the Shashyf Hills to the Omdal River above Dorndern in Cosdol in a matter of days in well-patrolled safety, provided you are a goblin of sufficient rank. From its mines flow a wealth of silver, copper, and iron, each ingot stamped with the blood of the slaves whipped to death to produce it. This wealth flows through the region; the goblins use it to purchase slaves from humanoids on both sides of the mountain, to purchase food from the muscheron, even to hire spies to look into the doings of P’Bapar, Cosdol, Korak, and Norga-Krangrel. 

Almost a million goblins, male and female, live within the Krond Heights, under the dominion of the Goblin King, and another half a million slaves; some stolen, some bred for centuries in the dark. Similar to Norga-Krangrel and other humanoid realms, the Goblin Kingdom is capable of incredible mobilization, if necessary; in the event of an invasion, they could field four hundred thousand troops for a few months, with the remaining 20% of their male population staying behind to manage slaves and keep the economy from completely stagnating. 

Government in the kingdom is goblin society writ large. The “king” is a chief of chiefs, as well as the titular head of the House of Shackles and Order of Agony. The chiefs of the various tribes answer to the King, much as a sergeant might answer to a chief. However, the sheer size of the kingdom means that even this level of organization is inadequate; there are hundreds of tribes in the kingdom, and so another layer of organization is imposed, which is the city. Each city is ruled by a single chief, or a council of chiefs, who report to the king. The official religious representatives in each city advise the chief or council, and, sometimes, will take control of it for a time, until a chief comes along to dispute their claim. A chief in a city must answer to the chief of the city, but may choose to challenge him at will.  

Punishments are decided by one’s immediate superior, but failing to impose adequate punishment is, itself, a crime, so punishments for goblins tend to be harsh, though seldom fatal. “The dead do not suffer” is a common phrase among goblins; while humans may take it as an expression of nihilism, goblins use it to remind themselves that if you kill someone, you can’t torture them any further, and so almost killing them is far preferred. Many goblins, when faced with punishment, will challenge their leader’s right to punish them, forcing a dominance challenge. If the goblin wins, then it becomes the responsibility of his new leader to punish him, and he simply may not care; what is against the rules for a private is not necessarily against the rules for a sergeant or a captain. 

 *** 
Sidebar: The Goblin King 
Who is the Goblin King? What month is it? The Goblin Kingdom gains and loses kings quite rapidly, sometimes several in a year; the record is 16 kings in one year, while the longest in the office held it for almost ten years.. In theory, any goblin may, at any time, challenge the king for the crown, just as any goblin may challenge their chief. In practice, those goblins who try but are not deemed worthy will be counter-challenged by his bodyguards, a slightly irregular procedure with lower-ranked goblins, but acknowledged as how things work with the king. In practice, the king only needs to meet challenges of chiefs or those goblins famous enough to be worthy of his time. Since dominance fights are not necessarily to the death, some goblins have been kings on several occasions, replacing their usurpers or another king down the line. 
*** 
 
Approximately half of these goblins live in smaller communities in the hinterlands, near smelters or mines, farms or military outposts. The rest live in the fabled Seven Cities of the Dwarves, the Jewels of K’Ran’da, each named for a dwarven precious metal. Iron, Copper, Tin, Silver, Gold, and Platinum surround the capital, Orichalcum. Broad roads carved long ago connect the cities, with Orichalcum at the hub, Iron at the north Silver to the northeast (closest to the Broad River Valley), Copper to the southeast (near the Shashyf Hills and the Durimdal River Valley), Platinum to the south, Gold to the southwest, and Tin to the northwest. That there was a spindle of Iron and Platinum, and that the other two pairs formed alloys with their opposite (bronze and electrum) was of deep significance to the dwarves; there was a balance based on usefulness and harmony, with iron at the top and nigh-unmeltable platinum as a base. In the middle was the mythical Orichalcum, the metal of metals. Many of the broadways have fallen in the intervening centuries; the road between Silver and Copper collapsed with the fall of K’Ran’da, Gold is connected only to Platinum, and much of the path between Iron and Silver belongs to the Lady of Webs and her spiders. 

 The cities are massive caverns, holding tens of thousands of goblins, slaves, and allies. Where they have been maintained or repaired, water flows to most of the buildings from a lake or river through a system of aqueducts; where they have fallen into disrepair, the cities may be dry or partially flooded. Waste might be taken away by sewers, or back up into the streets, or fall into a cesspool inhabited by muck men and stercuses. Giant flies buzz through the skies; some carrying goblin riders, others simply carrying disease. The walls glisten with respirating slime molds, and colonies of glowing fungus provide a constant dim light through much of the city. Rooftop prowlers haunt the ruins, rats the size of dogs may roam the street, and vermii scuttle through shadows. 

City goblins squat in dwarven buildings or construct ramshackle shanty-towns amidst their rubble. Lacking the art of the dwarves, the goblins’ own buildings are ugly blocks; functional, but only for their original function. Many of the lowest live in tents, and slaves are often kept in open pens or broken buildings. Filth accumulates everywhere, to the point where cleanliness is suspicious, indicating that a giant amoeba might have come through. Larger buildings may keep an amoeba for waste disposal, giving them just enough space for fission, then killing the offspring; more common is to simply dump waste in the street, reasoning that the slaves will get it. It would be a fire hazard, if the primary building material were not broken stones. 

At one time, the cities had well-organized layouts, with different quarters given over to different clans or guilds; now, the only remains of that organization is the tribal structure of goblins, with each chief claiming the most choice territory he is able to keep, erecting what facilities his tribe needs, and ceding that territory when a superior chief comes to the fore, abandoning facilities that may then fall to ruin. Knowing where one is going in the cities is less a matter of Cartography than Current Affairs; who has access to clean water and solid housing, and who is contributing to the maze of tents and shanties in the outer rubble. 

There are only two constants in organization: The King’s Hall, and the Market. Frequently on opposite sides of the city, the King’s Hall is where administrative tasks under the authority of the king will happen. Most often, this is a meeting place for the chiefs in a given city, where the king’s representatives will confer with the city’s chief’s and give them directives and hear their grievances. Formal challenges for higher ranks (captain or above, plus any challenge that demands neutral territory) will happen at these locations, and there’s often a bookie nearby to take bets. 

 The Market will be where individual goblins spend what coin they have, but also a place for goblins wielding authority (theirs or a master’s) to negotiate larger trades of goods. While many chiefs will prefer to be self-sufficient, the fact remains that few in the cities will have the breadth of resources under their command to maintain complete autonomy (something that the king seldom allows). So, chiefs with significant agricultural holdings will seldom have mines and smelters, those with mines and smelters may not have many craftsgoblins, and those with significant numbers of blacksmiths may have to outsource much of their leatherworking. This interconnectedness of the goblin economy keeps power from concentrating in the hands of a few chiefs, and kings have, in the past, destroyed or disabled chiefs who were able to gather too much independence. 

Like human markets, there will be a variety of goods. Raiders may sell excess weapons, slaves, or booty. If a slave has a special talent, their output might be sold, as will the work of enterprising goblins of all levels. Goblin liquor is truly foul (they use urine to regulate pH in the process), but a popular hobby among city goblins, and more than a few slaves will be prostituted for coin. Since most goblins are illiterate, there’s no market for parchment or ink; the few mages and clerics who require such things will frequently have arrangements with those who produce them, rather than gathering them at the market. Goblins do not mint coins, but copper and silver are relatively common, and are traded by weight. 

There are temples to the major faiths in each city, and a variety of shrines, totems, and chapels, as well, dedicated to a variety of deities. The House of Shackles always maintains the most prominent temple, prefering to usurp a dwarven temple to the Founder or The True and pervert it to their own ends. The Order of Agony, always more concerned with the lives of the average goblin, tends to have a number of shrines throughout the city, while the House of Knives will have a single, well-located but not ostentatious, temple in a well-fortified building. Other temples will scatter themselves throughout a city, vying for supremacy among themselves, while shamanic shrines and underground cults will have more humble (or entirely secret) locations. 

***

Hopefully, I won't forget a week this time! 

Complete Book of Dwarves Kit Evaluation

 This is actually the oldest of my kit evaluation posts; I wrote it a couple years ago, and am reposting it since we've reached the Complete Book of Dwarves (PHBR6) in our progression.

 

 Warrior:
Animal Master: A neat kit, specifically allowing for a druid-like animal friend, though slower. Really enhances a single proficiency, at the cost of some influence with dwarves... the reaction penalty is even somewhat textually mitigated (you get a penalty, but it doesn't make them HATE you, just not like you as much) You're a weirdo dwarf, but still a dwarf.

Axe For Hire: Pretty much bonus proficiencies in exchange for some loss of reaction among dwarves. Might be an argument that it's a backdoor for non-single-class fighters to get weapon specialization, but that's only going to happen if the DM lets it happen.

Clansdwarf: Proficiencies and a reaction bonus in exchange for behavior restrictions. Kind of like a paladin, you're not going to take it unless you're willing to live it.

Hearth guard: A bonus weapon proficiency (to make it a specialization), some bonus NWPs, a very situational attack bonus, and a situational reaction penalty (i.e. "Is this place sexist enough to make this a big deal?"). Since, IME, most places in D&D aren't sexist enough to make "female warrior dwarf" a big deal, I don't see it as much hindrance... but also don't see what they get as an overwhelming bonus.

Battlerager: Battlerager is a lifestyle choice. In a lot of ways, you're at the whim of the DM to decide if you go absolutely psycho and try to kill everyone around you. And, somehow, they are considered more acceptable than kender. But you also get to/have to specialize in two weapons, and the rage bonuses are pretty significant... if you don't accidentally kill the party wizard because you were in the bounce of a lightning bolt.

Highborn: Some social bonuses in exchange for a LOT of social penalties, and conspicuous consumption "tax". Might work for a dwarf-focused campaign; if I wasn't in a dwarf heavy campaign, I'd just play up being a snooty jerk.

Outcast: Sort of like the highborn, this is mostly a social kit, unless you're willing to pay a 10% XP tax to be able to move silently. Not hide in shadows. Just move silently. Not worth it. Just say you're an outcast.

Rapid Response Rider: Free horse, bonus on horseback, penalty to dwarf reaction rolls. Similar to the Animal Master but, IMO, not NEARLY as good. An Animal Master can do pretty much everything an RRR can do, and do it better.

Sharpshooter: Somewhat specialized, but with a DM who isn't determined to be a jerk (i.e. nitpicks about whether your bolts are properly cared for, except when things are explicitly new to you), it could be a good take on an archer character. Benefits are nice without being overwhelming; everything is a gear-based bonus, offset by a gear-based penalty.

Priest:
Crafts Priest: Better than a Craftsdwarf... same sorts of benefits, but without the explicit behavior restrictions on those bonuses.

Pariah: See Outcast. XP penalty to be able to sneak, otherwise, eat social penalties.

Patrician: See Highborn. Play it straight and play it snooty.

Ritual Priest: Free reaction adjustment with dwarves! No specific social role, no hindrances, a couple bonus NWPs. OTOH, the same can be said of a Crafts Priest, whose bonuses are better, but whose NWPs aren't as cool (IMO).

Warrior/Priest:
Champion: Free Magic Weapon, can specialize as multiclass priest. Extra money at character creation. However, you're looking at behavior restrictions... follow orders, protect your religion, and protect your magic weapon (the last until you get a better one). Not terribly onerous, unless the DM wants them to be.

Temple Guard: Kind of an NPC kit, if not in a stronghold, location-focused, campaign. The bonuses aren't bad, but they're location specific.

Vindicator: Multiclass Battlerager, but with even less restrictions. The wisdom cap is rough, but if you don't have the rolls, it is what it is.

Thief Kits:
Diplomat: Bonus to detect noise and open locks, penalty to pick pockets (which I rarely see used) for a net +5%, some bonus languages and bonus money. Reaction benefits with everyone. Pretty solid choice, if you've already got the charisma.

Entertainer: Bonus to certain NWPs, slight RP restraint ("reluctant to perform for audiences not made up of dwarves"), small starting gold penalty. Mechanically, not much going on. Niche choice, can be ignored and played as a concept.

Locksmith: Your typical box man thief. They boil down to a net +5% in thief skills... +10 to two, -10 to one, -5 to another. A little bit more money. Pretty much a concept.

Pest Controller: Just garbage. They get a +5 to two skills, -10 to one (so, no net gain), and get a reaction penalty. You're paying reaction penalty for two bonus proficiencies.

Warrior/Thief Kits:
Ghetto Fighter: Really, not that bad if you want a knife-fighting dwarf. You can't specialize (unlike the couple of multiclass priest kits that allow it), but you do get some nice bonuses with daggers and knives, and a net +5% thief skills. Less money, and a social penalty that applies in one city.

Trader: Again, mostly a concept or an NPC; a bonus when defending your goods, a penalty if you're a known cheat, and start with a bit less money.

Vermin Slayer: A Pest Controller that doesn't suck. Net +0% on thief skills, bonus when fighting small enemies with a specific type of weapon (of choice), and an initiative bonus in tight spaces. They lose a bit on defense against large creatures (-2 instead of -4), but also start with some free equipment.

Wayfinder: Net +0% on thief skills. They get half-cost language NWPs, and a penalty on reaction from other dwarves. Not a bad trade-off, IMO, but not fantastic, either.

------

Having now gone through the kits, most are kinda meh. Most are just character concepts with bonus NWP, a reaction adjustment, and some situational bonus. Axe For Hire, Clansdwarf, Heath Guard, Highborn, Outcast, ALL of the priest ones, Temple Guard, all the thief ones (except Pest Controller, which is even worse), and Trader.

Rapid Response Rider is, IMO, a strictly worse version of Animal Master. Not bad in and of itself, but, mechanically, it is a worse version of something a couple pages earlier. Champion is, IMO, kinda meh... not BAD, and starting with a magic weapon is nice, but also nothing to write home about... you'll likely get a magic weapon soon enough. Wayfinder isn't bad, if you want languages.

The Good Ones?
Animal Master. Sharpshooter. They sacrifice little to nothing in exchange for some nice bonuses.

More situational?
Ghetto Fighter. Vermin Slayer. Battlerager. Vindicator. These aren't bad, but they're definitely A Choice. If you go Ghetto Fighter, you want to play a knife-fighter. If you go Vermin Slayer, you're looking at fighting kobolds, not giants. Battlerager and Vindicator are not good to me, but I can see why others might like them, and they're not mechanically BAD.

In my view, the only one that is really and truly bad is the Pest Controller. You gain essentially nothing. It is a character concept given suck. Rapid Response Rider isn't bad, but it's overshadowed by someone else doing the same thing, better. My biggest criticism is that it seems like the developers didn't read the other kits being written... and there's only one credited writer. Clansdwarf and Crafts Priest are exactly the same, just one is for Warriors and one is for Priests... and the Priest one doesn't have the same restrictions, such as they are, as the Warrior one. The difference between Highborns and Patricians, and between Outcasts and Pariahs is similarly such that they don't need to be separate kits.

Complete Wizard's Kit Evaluation

 Complete Wizard was my jam. I liked it a lot, but, to be honest, I only ever really wanted to be a witch, because of the free magic items; everything else was kinda meh for me. So, let's dig into them. I'll note that each wizard kit has barred schools for specialization, though these don't actually prevent them from using those spells... Patricians won't specialize in Necromancy, but he can still use Necromancy is not otherwise prevented (i.e. illusionists have it barred as a class).

Academicians: Why not just call them academics? Who knows! They have a slight restriction on WP (boiling down, more or less, to "can't pick darts or quarterstaves at 1st level"), a bonus of Reading/Writing, and a reaction bonus with scholars, intellectuals, and similar folks, and a bonus (static or scaling with age, DMs choice) to Intelligence and Wisdom checks. In return, they have a -1 to hit on the first attack against any given opponent, and some soft "You should be a pedant and kind of a jerk about it" RP guidance that doesn't rise to the level of a modifier.

I kind of like this one; it's practically pure improvement, because a -1 to hit with melee weapons is mechanical flavor of little real impact, but it definitely skews the character a certain way. The RP "hindrance" of "you have to be a pedant" isn't backed by any particular teeth, though I question how much teeth it could be given, especially as it is oriented towards intra-party action.

Amazon Sorceress: Still kinda meh. Same "significant bonus against rare opponents, and a reaction penalty for the same people", but with a slight benefit: they can pick some more martial weapons: the Spear or the Long Bow, with an implication to also eventually get proficiency in the javelin or other bows (they're listed as possible equipment). There's also suggestions to change your amazons if they're not humans... half-elves should have short bows, gnomes should have throwing axes or short swords, and get tracking and survival instead of Riding and Animal Training, and elves should get Endurance and Set Snares. The "can hit some men better, and some men are jerks" is still a meh modification, but the bonus NWP and the WP change are nice.

Anagakok: An interesting one, with a lot of modifications. Like the amazon, they have some non-standard weapons available (bows, harpoons, javelins, and tridents), and some basic survival skills (Endurance, Survival, Weather Sense). They can find food for themselves and others, have a spell-like ability to give opponents a -1 to hit themselves and others for a decently long time (1 turn/level), and doesn't take damage from natural environments like they're used to (either extreme heat or cold; doesn't apply to spells or other attacks). In return, they have a decent reaction penalty (-2 for everyone not familiar with their culture), and a -1 to pretty much everything when they're in the opposite clime (Frigid when its hot, Torrid when its cold). But these are EXTREMES... 100*F and 0*F. Frigid Anagakok is fine through 99*, and Torrid down to 1*, which feels really light, even for the pervasiveness of the penalty. Even in our heated world, on the edge of the desert, it's not hitting 100* often enough to be a big penalty for the Frigid Anagakok. They're a pretty extreme character choice... you're playing the weirdo... but I'm not sure about the mechanical balance for some nice benefits.

Militant Wizard: I wanted to like them, but they're not good. Bonus WP and a big list of available weapons... axes, swords, bows, crossbows, etc. No pole-arms except basic spears. Bonus of Endurance. Can take Warrior NWPs without penalty. But, in return, they pick up an extra barred school (specialists), or pick up weird hindrances... forbidden from 8th and 9th level spells (more or less pointless), an effective two-point drop of intelligence (for EVERYTHING), or getting, essentially, three barred schools for no apparent reason. For all that Amazons and Anagakok just give away more martial weapons, this kit wants you to pay a really high price for them. Hard pass.

Mystic: Limited WP choice (even as they level up), bonus Astrology and Religion. Bonus weekly spell power... feign death, levitate, or Spirit Form (the best choice, IMO), which lets them astrally project and fly their spirit around. In return for this once-a-week spell-like power, they have to meditate two hours a day, every day, or they cast a number of spells equal to those of a wizard 1 level lower. This is, IMO, another too-big of cost for too small a benefit. The Spirit Form ability is cool, but, otherwise, it's a once-a-week spell that isn't that great. If they were once a day, they would maybe be worth it; as it is, it's too much for too little.

Patrician: Like the Noble Warrior and Noble Priest, the Patrician gets a chunk of change, reaction modifiers with other nobles, the ability to demand shelter, and some bonus NWP, in exchange for conspicuous consumption and the need to host others when he can. Compared to they Mystic and the Militant wizard, this is a relatively balanced and light kit... you get a bit of a cash boost at first, some NWPs that are nice, and a bearable penalty... but they're also pretty meh, beyond that.

Peasant Wizard: Opened up weapon proficiencies a bit to include bows and spears, a general peasant-like NWP, reaction modifier with peasants... and, technically, cannot own a spellbook. They can only own one thing worth 15gp, which spellbooks are worth far more. Total value is no more than 75gp, and spellbooks are worth far more. Like, what the hell, man? Didn't you read this? The "barred schools" also says peasants don't have many diviners, which is another WTF from me. I thought Militant wizard was unnecessarily punitive, and mystic wasn't worth the cost, but "Oh, you can't own a spellbook" is simply ridiculous.

Savage Wizard: Kind of a variation on the Anagakok, from a similarly savage tribe. Spears and blowguns are available, they get a couple of NWPs (the Anagakok gets 3 of the 4 options, while the savage only gets 2), and a weekly spell-like ability... day-long Protection from Evil, a voodoo doll that can do up to 10 points of damage to a single target (though you need hair, fingernails, or something similar), or fortune-telling, which is 50/50 bonus or penalty... and, of course, the requisite reaction penalty. The day-long protection from evil 1/week is kind of nice, the others are just meh (seriously, it doesn't tell the future, it just gives you penalties have the time). None of them are worth the cost, even though the cost isn't that big. But the day-long protection from evil is interesting, because the kit ALSO forbids you from Abjuration. And, BTW, though you can make a voodoo doll, you can't do enchantment/charm. Ugh. Bad choices, IMO.

Witch: Oooooh, boy. They're pretty BIG changes. Let's start with downsides. No WP, ever, but you still have restrictions on the weapons you must buy. HUGE reaction penalty from most people (-3), and even more from people with low Int or Wisdom (-5)... but you don't suffer it from people with a good Int or Wisdom (13+). There's a 20% chance, cumulative, of an angry mob forming EVERY DAY. If you manage to avoid it for five days, it will be 12d6 people come for your head. Additionally, you have one sort of big penalty... either a -2 to attacks and saves on nights of the full moon and three days on either side (so, every night for a week, every 4 weeks), a 25% chance of the same penalties happening on any given night, or -1 to attack all night, every night. The third is, IMO, the least burdensome, for all that it happens every night... -1 to attack isn't great, but it also isn't why you're playing a wizard.

In return? Bonus NWP (herbalism and... Spellcasting?) 1500gp worth of magic items at 1st level (not sure what they mean by GP, here, since the DMG in 2e went to pure XP value, which is what we used). Always get detect magic and read magic, which weren't that big of bonuses for us, since we gave those to all wizards. Then, every odd level from 3 to 13, they get a bonus ability. Secure familiar for free, brew a sleeping poison (up to 8 HD, save to negate). Brew Class L contact poison (not a combat poison; contact, but 2-8 minute onset, and 10/0 damage). At 9th level, it is a NO SAVE charm person or charm monster, with the only limitations being no more than 8 HD, and no more than one at a time (and that is only inferred). Sweet monkey. At 11th, they can make a flying ointment, at 13th, they can curse a person for 24 hours, no save.

Witches are kind of insane, and despite their massive drawbacks, may even be overpowered. At 9th level, they have a no-save charm on anyone 8th level or under. At 13th, it's a no-save, 24 hour curse. The note at the end says that the DM should experiment, and avoid the temptation to make them too powerful but they are big on paper.

Wu Jen: WP from an expanded list (blowgun, short bow, or a few asian weapons), at +1 to hit with them, bonus NWPs. At 4th level, they can cast a spell for maximum effect 1/day, provided it is three levels below their own... so 1st level spells at 4th, 2nd at 5th, 3rd at 6th, 4th at 7th... then any one spell per day, because they'd get 5th at 8th, but they don't get 5th level spells until 9th, and so it just tracks with maximum spell level from there. As a cost, they get a taboo at level 1, and an additional taboo at level 6, 11, 16th, etc. The effects of the taboos are left up to the DM, but can have some big role-playing difficulties if they're enforced... like can't sleep within 20 yards of the opposite sex, or can't cut hair, or can't take the life of an insect (hello, thri-kreen!). I don't particularly like how wishy-washy the mechanics are... the DM is given options from "Lose spells" to "just die", and it feels like this might have been graded a bit... your first level taboo causes X, your 6th level taboo causes Y (or it causes X and your 1st level taboo causes Y), but I think it's a not-bad kit, for all that... not as extremely powerful as a witch, but with a nice ability balanced by some ill-defined but definitely supposed to be mechanical penalties.

Overall? Meh. The Academicians are ok, the Anagakok are neat, and there are a few that expand the weapon selection. But some are just horrible. The militant wizard pays extremely for bonus WP, the mystic has a pretty huge cost for a once a week talent, the peasant wizard cannot, and I must stress this, CANNOT own a spellbook, much less things like a research library. I think the militant wizard is the most offensive, because of the very high cost they might pay, but, once again, the Peasant Wizard cannot own a spellbook, because they are too expensive, and they aren't often diviners for some reason. They're mostly just weird and poorly thought out.

Krond Heights and Goblin Deeps, Part 9: History, Mushroom, and people on Mushrooms

 Going underground, this is the first part of the section on the Netherdeep, covering the history of the Goblin Kingdom, and the Muscheron Colonies, and the Morlock areas

History 
More than five thousand years ago, the dwarves of the Northern Mountains founded K’Ran’da, the first dwarven kingdom. Deep beneath the peaks of what they called the K’Ran’Da Heights, they hewed a kingdom out of rock, and secured it against goblins, orcs, giants, and the horrors of the deep. They farmed the valleys, raised their families, and ignored the growing threats around them, secure in their mountain homes. 

After four thousand years, K’Ran’da fell, for reasons not entirely clear today. The vermii hold that they were attacked by goblins, backed by demons, and the subsequent history of K’Ran’da certainly bears out that goblins were involved, but it is not clear that they were the instigators of the destruction, or merely its beneficiaries. Regardless, by 500 B.I.R. (Before Imperial Reckoning), the dwarven kingdom of K’Ran’da had fallen, its people enslaved to the nascent Goblin Kingdom. 

The goblins, at first owning only a single city and the farmlands outside, began a campaign to conquer the old dwarven territory. The decline of the dwarven kingdom had left the morlocks, the muscheron, the deep orcs, and the vermus in strong positions, occupying many of the cities. Others fell to vermin, such as stercuses, muck men, and spiders. Dwarven slaves, left from the conquest of K’Ran’da, were worked to death in the cities of their ancestors, until circa 50 B.I.R., when human and halfling explorers from Brandobia came to the river valleys of the K’Ran’da Heights, which the goblin accent rendered “Krond Heights”. They established themselves in the mountains, first under the protection of the giants, then the halflings joining the goblins. Still, however, the goblins remained in the Krond Heights, and did not expand into former dwarven territory in the Shashyfs. 

Early in the Imperial Reckoning, hobgoblin attacks against Eastern Brandobia increased. As the hobgoblins pushed down from the Heights, they encountered the Goblin Kingdom, and brought it into the empire of Kruk-ma-kali, formally founded in 22 IR with the defeat of Eastern Brandobia. According to goblin histories, the hobgoblins treated the goblins intolerably, ignoring the rights and privileges that should have belonged to the goblin king and his subordinates, leading to Kruk-ma-kali’s assassination by goblins from the House of Knives in 35 IR, and the dissolution of the Empire. 

One effect of Kruk-ma-Kali’s empire was that the goblins began to look outside of their kingdom under the Krond Heights. They began to reclaim dwarven ruins and positions in the Shashyf Hills, clashing with Bylenjy Dejy and orcs of the Green Scourge. This fresh source of slave labor reinvigorated the goblin economy, and may have saved the remains of the K’Ran’dan dwarves from extinction, as new sources of labor allowed some of the population stress to be removed from them. 

More than five hundred years later, this is still much the situation. Goblin expansion has been focused on the Shashyf Hills, and their long-running war with the Green Scourge orcs is drawing to a close with the Scourge’s conversion to the Blood Drinker tribe and withdrawal across the Ghokhaagr River. The balance of power remains with the giants aboveground, but the giants have not exerted power against the goblins in the river lowlands. To the north, there is a back and forth of dente and aggression between the Goblin Kingdom and the Lady of the Webs and her spider and kobold minions, plus the depredations of morlocks, orcs, and other deep dwellers. South of the Goblin Kingdom, much of the Deeps remains wilderness, the 
domain of wild orcs, muscheron, and other creatures, with only occasional goblin scouting parties. 
 
The Muscheron Colonies 
While not a cohesive force, nor a collective power, the fungoids are counted by the goblins as being a “friendly state”; one which does not need conquering, because they’re doing everything the goblins want by simply existing and trading, but who wither and die if forced into goblin service. Somewhat bizarre and grotesque by demihuman standards, the fungoids respect the boundaries agreed to by the goblins, and their splintered nature means that they do not perceive a threat to the whole if the goblins are forced to move against one of their clade; there’s no sense of community between fungoids of different species. 

The muscheron have no defined territories; each colony is sovereign, and maintains its own tunnels and caverns. Some grow in the ruins of old dwarf outposts, others in natural caves, or in water-cut tunnels and near underground lakes. In travelling the network of tunnels left by dwarves, titanic worms, and other industrious burrowers, one might come across a fungoid colony practically anywhere the sun does not reach. Most are not immediately hostile, but are wary, and they do not like hacking weapons being wielded. 

Communicating with the muscheron colonies is a bit of a difficulty. They do not speak, and do not properly “hear”, as goblins think it, and each species has its own language, only parts of which can be sensed by non-fungoids. Over the centuries, a sign language called “Mushroom” has developed that most muscheron employ when dealing with goblins. It incorporates relatively large movements of the body, along with thumps on the ground or chest, hums, and other non-verbal vibrations as emphasis. Goblin diplomats frequently learn Mushroom, and those who deal extensively with one colony will learn some of their language. 
 
*** 
Sidebar: Talking Mushrooms 
Most Muscheron languages take place in a way that it is difficult for humanoids and demi-humans to detect or participate in. Can you thump on the floor with an exact strength with your foot? The exact strength needed being determined by the composition of the floor, which you also detected with your feet? Can you adequately spread your gills so they express shock? Tip your headcap slightly to indicate disbelief? Non-fungoids attempting to understand muscheron languages take a -25% penalty to their skill, and those attempting to speak it take a -50% penalty to their skill; someone with less than a 25% is learning the language, and can recognize that language is happening, but knows nothing about what is said, except in very basic circumstances. Mushroom, the language developed to facilitate communication with the Muscheron, imposes no such penalty, but it also faces many of the same limitations of Merchant’s Tongue; its vocabulary and scope are somewhat limited by the simplicity necessary to make it intelligible across the cultural and physiological divide. 
*** 
 
Another communication problem comes from culture. While most of the fungoids do not have a proper hive mind, the subtlety of their communication can make it seem as if they do. They lack many of the urges that drive other species; their emotions, if they even have them, are inscrutable. To goblins, they seem almost entirely survival oriented, and the difficulties in communications (and goblin lack of care) means that any art, literature, or music they may have is completely unknown. 

The muscheron, however, also simply do not care about the goblins, and there are some restrictions that the goblins find they cannot enforce. While some attempt to make the muscheron stop dealing with vermii and other non-goblin groups have been tried, the fungoids say they can’t tell the difference between a goblin, a vermus, or whatever else might come to them in peace. As such, many muscheron colonies supply everyone with food. In trade, most muscheron take waste; dead bodies, rotting leather, burnt bones, offal; anything organic that can be broken down by their fungus crops. While goblins generally don’t cart all of their waste to the fungoids (they generate a lot, and have other sources of food), enough goes in that the muscheron haven’t been expansionist in more than a century. If goblin supplies fall short, they can also cart more waste, or even trade metal items if they need to; the muscheron know the value of metal spear tips. 

The vermii use the muscheron fields as dumping grounds for bodies; goblin assassins tend to like having their work found, while the vermii find that more confusion is spread by a sudden disappearance than a dead body -- and they get paid in food for giving the fungoids a goblin corpse, so it’s a double benefit. Many smaller communities are also more assiduous about their waste disposal; while the fungus crops of the muscheron are seldom anyone’s favorite food, they’re edible by most species that aren’t obligate carnivores, and even by some who are. 

Lest life with the muscheron begin to sound idyllic, there are some difficulties. First of all, muscheron react extremely hostilely to anyone wielding Hacking weapons. On your belt or in a sheath is generally fine, but hacking weapons are forbidden to goblins going to allied muscheron colonies. They muscheron say they cannot tell the difference between goblin or vermus, orc or human, but they know those who have drawn weapons on them before. Their resistance to the damage of Puncturing and Bashing weapons means that they care less about those; waving about a club or pointing with a spear is not seen as terribly aggressive by them. They are also not immune to attack. While goblins are relatively reasonable, muscheron themselves are still regarded as food by troglodytes, unallied bugbears, and orcs. Raids by these creatures makes the muscheron edgy towards all strangers. Speaking even basic Mushroom can allay their fears, but proficiency with Mushroom becomes less common the further one moves from the Goblin Kingdom. 
 
The Morlock Regions 
Goblins destroy the morlock fungus wherever it is found, but it can take root almost anywhere in the Deeps, and grows fairly quickly, meaning new outbreaks are not uncommon. It also seems that some have a natural immunity to the morlock fungus, or, at least, a considerable resistance. This can result in them being carriers of fungal spores, especially in warm or moist pockets of their bodies. The spores will grow and propagate on their skin, and rub off where the carrier touches. The young spores attach to the rock and begin to leach lichens, minerals, and slime molds, including the respirator slime molds that help produce oxygen and reduce poisonous carbons dioxide and monoxide. The result is that morlock caverns are thick with “foul air”, which can result in suffocation if there’s inadequate circulation. Those dead areas will recover, in time, but force the morlocks to move into new areas as the old become uninhabitable. 

Some regions, such as under the mountains behind the Odril Hills and just north of the P’Bapar Pass, are almost completely filled with the morlock fungus and its victims. The P’Baparan expanse is almost entirely unchecked, while the Odril infestation is continually fought by the goblins, with outposts monitoring it, attempting to burn it back, and sometimes falling to addiction and usurpation. 

Muscheron responses to the morlock fungus vary. Some ignore it, able to resist it in their own right but not interested in combating it. Others regard it as a scourge or invasive species in their gardens, and resist it just as the goblins do. And some join with it, symbiotically, treating morlocks as members of their own species, and introducing outsiders to the morlock fungus to encourage joining and harmony. These last are extremely dangerous; the muscheron cultivate the fungus and ensure that the morlocks themselves are fed, and prevent the fungus from depleting the respirator slime molds, keeping their hybrid colony healthy, longer. Morlocks, after all, need not be human; many colonies will have bugbears, orcs, and sleestacks among their numbers, living in blind, drugged harmony.  

 

***

 Next week: The Lady of the Webs, and some miscellaneous critters... including the tunnel hag. 

Everybody Hates the Drow

 Something I apparently wrote 15 years ago. It helps if you hear the Tom Lehrer version.

 Oh, the dwarf folks hate the orc folks,
And the orc folks hate the dwarf folks.
To hate all but the right folks
Is an old established rule.

But during National Brotherhood Week, National Brotherhood Week,
Drizz't and Bruenor Battlehammer are dancing cheek to cheek.
It's fun to eulogize
The people you despise,
As long as you don't let 'em in your town!

Oh, the drow folks hate the elf folks,
And the elf folks hate the drow folks.
All of my folks hate all of your folks,
It's Oerthian as the Nyr Dyv.*

But during National Brotherhood Week, National Brotherhood Week,
Greyhawkers love the Suloise 'cause it's very chic.
Step up and shake the hand
Of someone you can't stand.
You can tolerate him if you try.

Oh, the bugbears hate the hill giants,
And the hill giants hate the bugbears,
And the goblins hate the kobolds,
And everybody hates the drow!

But during National Brotherhood Week, National Brotherhood Week,
It's National Everyone-smile-at-one-another-hood Week.
Be nice to people who
Are inferior to you.
It's only for a week, so have no fear.
Be grateful that it doesn't last all year!

*For this, pronounce it "NEER DIVE"

Krond Heights and Goblin Deeps, Part 8: Orcs of the Heights, and the Ladies of Salt

The Orcish Nations

Orcs may outnumber every other species on the surface of the Krond Heights. Whereas the giants are few, but mighty, and humans prefer to live near the rivers, the orcs range throughout the entire Heights, mostly in small bands that barely acknowledge relationships. In the east, common orcs are most plentiful, many filtering up from the Blood Drinkers and the predecessors, the Green Scourge, or fleeing the same. In the west, orcs from Cosdol and the Odril Hills push into the mountains, while snow orcs spill down from the high glaciers and from the north, and gray orcs bubble up from the Netherdeep. In the middle, they mix; green and grey, white and green, grey and white. Physically, the result is largely indistinguishable from a common orc; perhaps a bit lighter of skin, and more tolerant of the light of day, but no more distinguished. Socially, however, the Krond Heights orcs are a breed apart.

Krond Orcs

As is known, snorks do not subjugate their women completely; their smaller tribes and less abundant resources make this impractical. Even in the relatively rich lands of the Krond Heights, this social feature of snow orcs continues; tribes are seldom larger than 40 members, and the women, while not co-equal with the men, are not their chattel. They gather food stuffs, make the tools of the tribe, and defend the camp. Though slighter than male orcs, they are still strong, and many are skilled with spear, bow, or even the humble sling.

Smaller orcish tribes also lead to fewer slaves being kept, but here the grey orcish cultural influence becomes evident; whereas snorks might butcher all who oppose them for meat, Krond orcs take slaves and pass them along to giants and ogres, who will make use of them. This isn’t to say some slaves aren’t eaten -- no orc goes hungry while there are slaves about -- but they are kept alive until they can be sold, or are needed for food.

There are very few black orcs in the Krond Heights, and no spawning pools to create them; the underground spaces that might have been used to create them all belong to goblins. Since so many orcs serve giants alongside ogres, much of the black orc social role is filled by orc-ogre hybrids, the orgrons. With the greater independence of Krond orc women, some are born to orcish mothers from ogre or orgron fathers. Half-orcs are also not uncommon among the Krond orcs, with not a few orcish women getting them from prisoners before those are sold on.

Common Orcs

Common orcs are more abundant near the Sanakir Hills in the east and the Odril Hills in the west. The Broken Fang tribe of Cosdol, and the Blood Drinkers of the Sanakir Hills are two large, relatively traditional tribes of orcs. Massive, with thousands of members spread over a large area, the presence of the giants above and morlocks below have prevented their expansion into the Krond Heights in a significant manner; they are there, and they have subsidiary tribes of common orcs who operate in the Heights, but they must give at least lip service to the giants or face annihilation.

The Blood Drinkers are not exerting much outward pressure, though they are causing it. While they seek to consolidate their holdings in the Sanakir Hills, they have not been active in expanding that territory, instead forcing dissident common orcs out, including into the Krond Heights. The Broken Fang are in the midst of a war with the goblins out of Gold; the Fang believe the war is about to end, but do not realize quite how much opposition the goblins can muster. Add in the giants above, and their own growing internal religious strife, and they may have bit off more than can be chewed with broken fangs.
Common orcs contribute much of the metalworking of the region; snorks have lost the skill and the gray orcs rely on others to do the work. As such, common orcs have a significant material advantage in conflicts against other orcs; chainmail against wooden or stone clubs, metal swords and axes against furs (or, in gray orc cases, mere skin). However, they run into significant social problems in the Heights, as it is hard to maintain the larger groups; communication between groups breaks down in the mountains, and so tribes fracture and splinter, which the common orc social structure handles poorly. Absent authority figures, one orc will take control, and likely make himself the new chief of a new tribe, and often resent being “demoted” if the new tribe encounters the old.

Gray Orcs

Gray Orcs roil beneath the surface, sometimes making forays above ground, but largely limited themselves to the Netherdeep. Conflict with the goblins leaves them few avenues to the surface, and severe agoraphobia leaves them with little interest. The gray orc strain in the Krond Orcs comes from days before the goblins consolidated power, and occasional groups that become isolated and join with the surface orcs for survival.

Beneath the surface, the gray orcs are a constant source of small problems for the goblin kingdom, but they lack the organization to significantly affect stability. A thousand orcs will briefly overrun an area, or break into a goblin city, and they will be squashed and the survivors will be enslaved. The orcs lack an awareness of goblin strength and organization, seeing them only as foes to throw themselves against, territory to be taken, not as a nation that will resist them. And so the gray orcs are enslaved en masse by the goblins, their warriors, women, and whelps laboring to goblin glory.

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Sidebar: Deep Half-orcs

Deep Half-orcs are relatively rare, largely occuring only as slaves of the goblins. However, a half-orc of deep stock may exhibit the agility of his orkin heritage, as well as their greater night vision. At the player’s option, they may replace the standard half-orc +2 to Constitution with a +1 to Dexterity, and/or replace standard low light vision with extreme low light vision and a -1 penalty to attack and defense in twilight, and -2 in full sunlight.
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White Orcs

The white orcs, also called Snow Orks or Snorks, are hugely influential in the Krond Heights. Many ally themselves with the Hoar Frost Giants, serving as a mixture of shock troops and foresters; they hunt the lesser game that doesn’t interest the giants, track the greater game that does, and harry the giants’ enemies with raids. More pragmatic and less lazy than their common orcish kin, their tribes are also smaller, seldom more than forty at a time, and with few, if any slaves.

As a result of giantish patronage, the snorks have a great reach aboveground, and can be found almost anywhere above five thousand feet in elevation, and not uncommonly down to three thousand feet, especially in winter or where the glaciers extend. Their lack of penalty in sunlight makes them more adventurous during the day, but still prefer the night for many operations. Their homes tend to be clefts in the rock, where they can acquire shelter at minimal effort. This puts them into conflict with kobolds, who also like these clefts, but the snorks don’t consider this a particular problem; kobolds are, after all, technically edible, and that’s the sort of technicality a snork can be counted on to take advantage of.

Snorks prefer raids and hunts, but some groups also attempt trade with humans under the same giantish master. These trades are seldom, as the orcs don’t have much the humans want, but selling a few yearling llamas or iron knives for hard silver can be a good deal for the villagers. The orcs, for their part, prefer to head over to another giant’s territory and steal twice as much, while keeping their silver for important things.

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Sidebar: Half Snorks

Half-orcs of white ork ancestry are also not common; the orcs keep few slaves, and the people of the Krond Heights keep few half-orcs. Half-snorks, however, may purchase the Temperature Tolerance (cold) talent for 5 BP.
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Lake Vrasten and the Ladies of Salt

In the center of the Krond Heights there is a large, glacier-fed, salt lake. Named for a Brandobian explorer, Lake Vrasten has no aboveground outlets, and its underground outlets are little more than seepage; as a result it is quite salty, with a salinity that ranges from 100-320 g/kg, depending on the season (by comparison, sea water averages around 35 g/kg). It is least salty in the late spring (around Declarations), when inflow from the glacier-fed rivers is at its greatest; it is most salty in late Arid/early Reaping, when most of the summer evaporation has occurred, but before winter snows begin to moderate the salinity. The spring thaw also greatly increases the lake size, doubling its surface area as it spreads shallowly over the salt pan surrounding the deeper waters at the center. Over the summer, these shallows evaporate, until it settles on its winter size. Depth in the spring is relatively shallow; 3 feet is not uncommon for broad stretches, with occasional “ponds” of 20 feet. The central waters, however, are deep; while never properly sounded, they are definitely more than two thousand feet deep, and may be as much as a mile. The ancient dwarves, and the modern goblins, do not mine too close to the lake, for fear of flooding. Both have had accidents that resulted in massive destruction, and both, independently, developed deep superstitions about halite (rock salt), considering it unlucky.


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Sidebar: Halite and Superstition

Dwarven characters (or others with significant mining experience) with the Superstitious quirk might choose to replace result 3 “Thinks the world is flat” with “Considers rock salt to be unlucky”, similar to number 7 on the Superstitions table.
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The area around the lake is not well-inhabited. Some clans of kobolds live on the edges, as salt is the only flavor they really taste, but the shifting water levels and high concentrations of salt make it a poor home for most life. Goblins, too, do seasonal salt gathering in a few places, mostly in the late summer. The salt flats are home to small crustaceans that thrive when the lakes are high and hibernate when they are low, as well as the birds and small mammals that feed on them. The deeper water is home to a number of species of shrimp and some few fish, capable of metabolizing or passing the salt. Aside from birds, who feed on the crustaceans and the ever-present brine-flies, there is little wildlife over 12 inches in length.

What is present at Lake Vrasten is magic. Lake Vrasten seems to draw magic out of people; any effect using spell points cast within the area of the lake (either on the water or on the salt flats that mark the greatest extent of the lake in spring) has a percent chance equal to its level of automatically double in cost, with no additional effect; only Apprentice and Journeyman spells and effects are immune. This applies to spells cast by mages and sorcerers, wands that emulate these effects, or any magical items that draw upon Spell Points. Even Rogues, should they possess Supernatural Affinity, may find themselves drained of their few spell points when using some of their tricks. Keyholders who will visit Lake Vrasten during the day roll 2d6+4 to determine how much magic they should expend; they are never instructed to cast all their magic, and quite often told to expend none.

Despite this hunger for magic, the area is rich in ley lines. Attunement to a nearby line ceases the drain of magic from the land, provided one can access the line while casting spells. An Ore line twists and shifts through the salt with the seasons, rearranging itself with the flood and retreat of the water. The deeper parts of Lake Vrasten reportedly have a Water line, though that can be difficult to access. And a certain point on the shore of the lake, near the edge of the perennial deep water, has a single, powerful, Blood Line rising from the ground and into the sky. The Ore line is always tied to this Blood line in a vortex; the Water line will, at times, connect to form an Evran Knot. While most Blood lines dissipate after a few days, this line has been present for as long as dwarven histories exist; the first records of the lake mention the Blood Line, and the Ladies of Salt.

The Ladies of Salt are a covey of hags of ancient power, dedicated to the Riftmaster. Their membership is not constant; there have been as few as three and as many as eleven hags at any one time, as some members choose to leave or new members join. Fanatically devoted, they attune themselves to the Ore and Blood lines, and attempt to keep others from doing the same. Unlike many hags, they are not profligate users of magic; they know the value of a well-placed enchantment, no doubt, but do little with magic that flesh can accomplish, and prefer alchemy to incantations. Currently, the Ladies are only three in number, and they maintain some alchemy workshops and shrines to the Riftmaster around the periphery of the lake’s greatest expanse (some watched over by the local kobolds, or home to other servants).

They tolerate no shamans or witch doctors; even those with minor shaman gifts (such as the Spirit Favor Talent) will be given at most a single warning before being killed. Spirit favors requested in the Lake have a chance equal to the level plus the absolute value of the reaction roll to draw their attention, and rumors from shamans nearby state that they have killed the spirits of the Lake and Salt within their domain. How this could be done is not known, but it is also said that even spirits avoid the place now.

The Ladies are not expansionist; they exert little power outside of Lake Vrasten, save to protect their homes and against those who would interfere with their charge. They do, however, consult with other, nearby, powers; giantesses are known to come to them, as are some women of the human and halfling populations. They have, in the past, had members who were not proper hags; demi-human, humanoid, or giant women who have joined them, or tunnel hags who have lived nearby, but, at present, there are only three, and all are hags of the usual sort. It is not that they do not deal with men, but, traditionally, consulting them has been the privilege of women, and most communities have stories of the evil fates they have inflicted upon men who displeased them. It is known that they have extensive libraries, taken in trade over the centuries for other bits of wisdom, and that they treat fairly with Keyholders and those anointed to the Riftmaster; one of them is always a cleric of his, in addition to her other magic, and the others are acolytes.

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Sidebar: The Mystery of Lake Vrasten

No one, perhaps even the Ladies of Salt, know what lies beneath Lake Vrasten. Rumors and theories abound, of course, including ancient Titans, dead Gods, slumbering undead, or the first dragon. All that is known is that Lake Vrasten is hungry for magic, and that the Ladies have dedicated centuries to keeping it from getting enough.
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